TA Lab – Eric Berne's Final Book: is it still relevant?

Our July TA Lab took us back to Eric Berne's final and, for many of us, most significant book, What Do You Say After You Say Hello? It proved to be one of those discussions where everyone seemed to bring a different perspective, and the result was a rich and enjoyable conversation. A big thank you to Evgeniya for facilitating the evening so thoughtfully and creating a relaxed atmosphere where everyone felt able to contribute. Judging by the enthusiasm at the end of the session, these sessions will go from strength to strength. 

One of the pleasures of TA Lab is hearing how different practitioners read the same material through the lens of their own work. Marg was struck by Berne's wonderfully concise definitions of therapy and his description of "rackets" as the familiar emotions we learn to replay within our family systems. John reflected on how Berne's six-stage approach to therapy still closely mirrors his own clinical practice today, while also noting how contemporary therapists often integrate some of the later stages much earlier in the therapeutic relationship.

For me, this book has always felt like the culmination of Berne's life's work. Although it was published after his death and, in my opinion, suffers from rather clumsy editing, it is the book in which his ideas about scripts finally bring together ego states, transactions, games, strokes and life positions into one coherent picture. It remains my own "desert island”  book (alongside The Collected Works of Shakespeare and The Bible).

Our discussion also explored where the book still feels remarkably fresh and where it perhaps reflects its time. Several people commented on Berne's emphasis on the therapeutic relationship and working alliance, ideas that remain central to psychotherapy today. At the same time, we wondered how his writing might have developed had he lived longer, particularly in relation to the body, emotions and the growing understanding of somatic processes in therapy.

As often happens, one conversation led naturally to another. We found ourselves talking about script, identity, personal responsibility and the many ways that life itself – relationships, unexpected events and new experiences – can sometimes challenge old script beliefs just as effectively as therapy.

A particular highlight was revisiting some of Berne's memorable quotations, including his reflections on what really happens when we say "hello" to another person and his evocative image of our "secret gardens" – those hopes and aspirations that often remain hidden from the outside world. Another striking quote from the evening was Berne’s own relational answer to the question posed by his book title:

“To say hello rightly is to see the other person, to be aware of him as a phenomenon, to happen to him and to be ready for him to happen to you.”[p. 22]

Next month we'll be taking a rather different path as we explore fairy tales (13th Aug). I will kick off this evening by sharing my own use of Fairy Tales over twenty years of running workshops on their use - as described in my two books on the subject: “The Fairy Tale Phenomenon” and “Transforming Lives with The Fairy Tale Process”. As always, whether you're familiar with the subject  or are simply curious, you'll be very welcome.

Gerry Pyves

TSTA-P, TAAANZ Co-President